As much as I love fashion, makeup and hair, my main reason for creating this space was to blog and talk freely about my life. The good and the not so good. I’ve been holding back from doing that so as not to make things depressing around here but life is raw. It’s emotional and not all the time cheerful (or easily fixed with a new eyeshadow palette).
Last month I lost my best friend in her life’s battle against kidney failure. Ultimately, she was faced with an autoimmune disease that took her life. It seems surreal to even say this, as only a few days before we were laughing, eating out and enjoying the movies. 🙁 I knew what she faced, but things seemed to be on the mend after her second kidney transplant. Life just happens; I guess. A part of me is selfish and is deeply saddened by all the things we didn’t get to do. She was helping me plan my wedding and we always talked about her being the favorite tia to my future children. Now, those moments will have to be experienced without her and for a tiny bit, the brightness of them dims in knowing that. The other part of me is relieved. Now she can be free with no more pain and no more suffering. No more worrying. Just peace. I know over time the memory of her will bring only laughter and less tears, but right now isn’t that time. Not just yet.
In other things, I face the fear of my own health. I’ve been working on my own mental health to better myself and my relationship with Mr. Right. Going to my primary care doctor and being honest with my feelings of depression/anxiety really changed my life for the better. I have a new daily prescription. A little blue pill that seems to make a big difference. I’ve been sleeping much better and feeling ready to take on the day upon morning. However, further investigation brought thyroid health awareness. A recent ultrasound uncovered a mildly suspicious nodule and now that 5% scare of cancer is in the back of my mind. At this point, I just want to know and have it over with. Not knowing is eating me alive more than any cancer could. I don’t do well with patience or waiting. For the most part, I’ve been keeping myself and my mind busy. Busy with my hobbies of dolls and tarot cards. Busy researching artwork and inspiration for freelance graphic projects. Busy organizing and rearranging things.
Overall, I have a lot to be thankful and grateful for. I’m reminded of that daily. I keep my faith in God that he has a plan for my life and the ones I love and it won’t always be filled with troubles and heartache. I have to believe that. I have to believe in something.