It has been six months since my Mom died. It still feels surreal even seeing this sentence in black and white, but it’s true. Time waits for no one and I honestly couldn’t grasp the idea that without her on this Earth, it could still continue to spin. My Mom meant a great deal to me and was a huge part of the pie chart that is my life. However, now that she is no longer with me, I realize that there are other important aspects not just to my life, but to myself. I owe myself and the other loved ones in my life the same respect and gratitude; they are important, too. It was a tough pill to swallow to have Mr. Right tell me the (ugly) truth about how the grief has changed me in negative ways over the last few months. I am so grateful for this man and for learning, over time, to understand him and his intentions better without getting defensive. He only wants what’s best for us. With that being said, I am seeking help.
Last Summer I felt amazing. I was eating healthier, getting adequate sleep and participating in regular exercises (like roller skating!) Meditation was a part of my routine along with regular tarot/oracle sessions. I was in my element with my artwork; feeling inspired! I was learning new skills with different art mediums. My social media life was consistent with content creation both on my blogs and my YouTube channel. Despite all that was happening in the world, Summer 2020 was very productive for me. Then Fall came and with it a lot of heartache, sorrow, and loss of self. Here it is another rotation around the Sun and Summer approaches again. It is imperative that I get back to the place I once was…if not better. I want to not only feel better, but be better, too. It takes a lot of effort to realize these changes but the first step is most important.
Recently, a dear friend of mine shared her experience with the online therapy program BetterHelp. I’m sure you’ve seen the ads all over the internet as I have. Its nice to have a first hand account of how the program is from someone you know. I researched it and found other online therapy programs like TalkSpace (which gives me a small discount with my health insurance). My next steps to better mental health is getting help with my grief and all the issues that have manifested from it: Depression, Anxiety, Poor Eating Habits, Bad Spending Habits and the list goes on. Right now, I am atoning for my sins, so to speak. “Retail Therapy” is not a good outlet. Now I am paying the cost…literally. Once my credit card bill is behind me I can move forward with this new counseling program. I am excited (and nervous) for this new chapter in life. Nevertheless its time for the page to turn.